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Andrew is an Atlanta businessman, writer, author and musician. He frequently writes about business, relationships and the function and dysfunction between the two. If you would have asked me to write about this subject ten years ago, you could have as easily been asking me to write in hieroglyphics, charting the constellation of our galaxy. Let me say from the onset that I am a 47-year-old African-American male, with one child, a few small businesses and have been married for twelve years to a wonderful wife—all the things a man could hope for in a life.
The only problem is that I was never apprised of the new, now 3-year-old, status of our marital arrangement. How did I just recently find out that I was in an open relationship you ask? Well my wife told me so. I do not come to you as an angry and jealous husband.
That is to say that they are, or were all, married men who have recently learned that their wives are seeking the company, affection and sexual gratification in the arms of other men. Surely these are neglectful cheating men who are getting what’s coming to them? Did you catch her, or do you just suspect? He had just rebuilt his marriage after a two month separation from his wife after finding out that she had several affairs with various handymen for the past two years. He promptly moved out and did not contact her for 60 days.
She begged for reconsideration and disclosed that this was totally out of character for her and that she felt the marriage was far more important in her life than any meaningless affairs. 2 After ten years of marriage my buddy thought he had it all figured out. His kids were out the house. The wife just celebrated her 40th birthday in style with a big expensive 40th blowout event. My buddy is not on or does he care to ever use Facebook. On Facebook everything is over the top FABULOUS and MAGNIFICENT.
What quickly followed was the obligatory picking your scrotum up off of the floor moment. 2 reached terms for a divorce after the wife disclosed that she no longer wanted to be in an exclusive relationship, and that this is what she wanted in her life. No love, less wifely obligations and more FREEDOM. Freedom is a familiar theme here. He is now 52, dating, anti-marriage and trusts no woman. 3 After his wife of seventeen years cited that she needed a bit more FREEDOM in her life, she promptly took the four kids and moved out of their 5000 sq foot home and moved into a 1200 square foot rental unit a mile away.
She had not yet revealed that she fell in love with sexting her newly conditioned 45-year-old body to several random men and that she felt ALIVE and FREE when she did this with them. 4 An 8-year marriage of a deputy ended when he caught his partner in bed with his wife. Result: No shooting, just a divorce and three confused kids. His wife now believes that love and sex were meant to be freely given and received. Result: A highly sexed, loveless marriage that came, seemingly out of nowhere. These are a few of the examples. A 2012 UK adultery survey showed that, of 4000 cheats, women typically maintain 2.
3 extracurricular lovers while men typically have 1. The 7 year itch is REAL! They resolve to act on it or not after around 7 years of marriage. I went into my marriage with the belief that if the marriage was not going to be successful, it would not be because of neglect on my part. What I realized is that men are not prepared or educated on the extent to which women mentally and physically change. We remotely are prepared for the fact that women have monthly menstruation cycles. We are prepared for their strong maternal desire.